19 January 2015

Not A Good Day....


Today started off pretty great, then it went downhill.

I decided to take the girls into the city to meet James for breakfast at Tim Horton's. We've never done this before and our only others plans today are for the girls to get their hair cut.

We arrived at Tim Horton's and found a table for the four of us. There was another couple sitting not too far away, a husband and wife. She kept staring at Adele, and not one of those smiley, friendly stares, but a blank stare. Kind of like a deer caught in the headlights.
I mentioned it to James and he said that she probably has seen Adele's face plastered all over the place and she recognizes her from Facebook or the news.

He was trying to make me feel better.

I went up to the till, Brinley was with me. The lady got our order ready and looked at Brinley and told her just how cute she was and that she loved her outfit. She then pointed over to Adele and said "that one there is cute too."
She said it like it was forced, she needed to say something because she knew that both girls were with me. I felt a bit hurt.


We sat down with our food. Another lady, on her own, sat next to us and was commenting on how adorable Brinley was and that she was a busy little girl. We acknowledged and laughed a bit. By this point, I didn't want to talk to anybody else.
She looked at Adele and said "so sad." Yes, this is what she said. Before I could react, she caught herself and said that she thought Adele was cute. It wasn't sincere, it wasn't genuine.
She then asked me how old the girls were and I told her their ages. Why I was still engaging in conversation with this lady, I don't know.
There was a little gasp when I told her Adele's age. Yup, my little girl with Down syndrome is almost 18 months, she's not crawling, she doesn't walk and she's still in a car seat because we think it's the safest option for her at this point in time. Go f@#k yourself!

I looked at James and he knew that it was time to go.
The lady, who already has done enough damage, then proceeds to tell me that I must have my hands really full with two young children. I nod. She tells me that Brinley will be a lot of work but having Adele will be so much more work, lots of effort and extra time put into her.

I looked at her, I wanted to cry, punch her, kick her in the kneecaps, but instead, I told her that we love our daughter and that she is one pretty awesome kid. I couldn't get anything else out. I was stumped. This has never happened to us before. This shit shouldn't happen to us and to other families who have a child of varying abilities. Where have parents gone wrong in raising their children? What happened to teaching your children about respect, inclusion, acceptance and differences? When you teach your children all of this, they grow up to be kind, respectable adults.

James helped me get the kids back into the car. Before we left, I decided to buy some donuts for the NICU and drop them off. The NICU was a place of comfort for us and Adele was loved and appreciated. I needed to feel some peace and comfort.

I pulled away and I cried. This was the first time that I've heard some of these words, words that were directed towards Adele. I was so hurt. My heart ached for Adele. My tears continued to flow as I thought about the future and when she will understand what people are saying about her. I cried for the times when Brinley will have to defend her sister. At this moment, in my car, I mourned the loss of the 'perfect typical' child. I felt sorry for my baby girl. I felt sorry for those who don't get it. I felt sorry for the ignorant people in the world.

Some people may think that I am exposing my child too much through social media or fighting for changing the face of beauty, I am doing this all for a purpose. I am trying to educate the world. I am trying to pave a smooth road for both of my children. I am on a mission, but today I felt like I failed. This is not a woe is me speech, it was just a hard day. I know that we have so much love and support that surrounds us and we are grateful and thankful. Tomorrow is a new day.

 
 

10 comments :

  1. Dear Krista, I feel so upset with this ignorant woman, I feel so upset she could make you feel so sad :'( Be proud Krista, be proud of you, of your beautiful daughters, of every single thing you do, believe me you deserve it! You're this kind of people who can change the world, a little bit everyday. You can't change it all at once, you can't succeed every time. Long is the road but you make it so smoother. Your sweet Adele is a blessing in my life, each picture, each smile of hers makes my aching heart warmer, when I miss my son too much I'm looking at her and I think "hopefully there are some people like you to make things different". Don't ever let anyone make you think you've failed because everything you do is just priceless. One day things will be different and I'm sure Adele will be part of it, she'll change the world because she's so wonderful and she has the best mum ever <3 Love Agnes

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    1. I am so thankful for you. I am going to read your comment every time I feel a bit discouraged or upset. You, my friend, are an amazing and beautiful human being. Thank you. xo
      Krista

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  2. I am so sorry you had to endure the disrespectful, uneducated treatment of those people. Please know that they are only a tiny fraction compared to the people who love, respect and follow your beautiful whole family. Both of your girls are so beautiful.
    Also, it is the first time I saw your picture mom, and you are very beautiful. Keep up the good work, you're doing an awesome job with your family. :)

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    1. You are so right Patricia. It is a tiny fraction and I need to remember that, always. It was the first time, so it stung. Tomorrow is a new day and we move on. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for all of your support and kind words. Thanks for the compliment too! That's so sweet of you. xoo

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  3. I'm so sorry that the dark hearts of those people couldn't see all the beauty only inches from them. that is sad!

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  4. Dear Krista, I have never had the guts to comment before. You see I too had a beautiful little girl who happened to have DS but she passed away 4 years ago at 10 weeks 2 days. I have never known what to say to you. I too worried about what people would say about my Ashlyn, what they would actually say to her face, how my son would have to deal with ignorant people. I am so sorry this happened to you today. I didn't get many comments until after my Ashlyn passed and they were like knives every time. Adele is a beautiful and I look forward to seeing how she is doing. I don't see you doing anything but the best for your family. But if you ever see me staring, it is only out of envy.

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    1. Oh Beth. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. This just breaks my heart. My thoughts are with you and your whole family. Thank you for sharing this with me, I know that it must have been difficult to get your words out.
      Thank you also for your kind and supportive words. It means a lot to me. xoxox Hugs to you my friend.

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  5. My mouth was just dropping open in shock. Wow. I don't know why it never ceases to amaze me how ignorant or insensitive people can be. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I think they're both adorable. Every baby/child learns and grows at their own pace. Why people think there's only one appropriate age for everything drives me crazy. Hope it's a better week.
    Angela @ Stepping into Motherhood (formerly Time with A & N)

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    1. Thank you Angela. You have always been so lovely and kind and supportive. I really appreciate it. You changed the name of your blog??

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