22 June 2015

#1000 Families Project


Brandie Weikle created a project called the 1000 Families Project. It focuses on the new family, who is in our circle and modern views on family life. It's a really beautiful project filled with love and amazing heartfelt stories.
Our story was featured today.....
 
 
 
 

8 June 2015

I Am NOT Down Syndrome!


I feel like I haven't written about Down syndrome in a long time. It's funny because I started the blog with full intentions on just writing about our journey with Down syndrome, but it turned into so much more. I started the blog after we found out about Adele's diagnosis, that was around April 2013. I have written just over 200 posts, with over 200 000 views. I am so thankful to those of you who have followed along on this journey with our family.

In the last two months, I have turned a corner when it comes to Down syndrome. Adele is 22 months old and a fiery, spicy little girl. Up until this point, I have focused so much of my attention on Down syndrome and all that it entails, that I have forgotten that she is just a little girl. I have focused my attention on therapy, vision appointments, hearing appointments and feeding schedules. I have forgotten that she is just a little girl. I have focused my attention on the future; school, friends and life. I have forgotten that she is just a little girl.

Recently, Adele has really found herself. She is coming into her own. She is figuring out who she is, what works for her and how she fits in with our family. This is all within the past couple of months. Before this, I was focusing on the delays (although I claimed that I was just taking it day by day) and how we could get Adele caught up, get her to where she needs to be. What I have recently realized, she is where she needs to be. She is content. She is still not crawling and she is not ready to start running around the house, but she is one verbal kid. She is able to express herself, sign what she needs and uses lots of 'words' with her sister. She is not frustrated, nor are we. She is energetic and full of spirit, life and joy.


In these past two months, I have seen Adele transition from a baby to a little girl. Brinley and Adele play together, wrestle together and laugh together. They are playmates and I can see a beautiful friendship and bond forming between the two girls. I didn't see this before because I was so focused on what we needed to get done, where we needed to be and how we would get there.

I have read the saying many times over 'I Am Not Down Syndrome' and to be honest, it kind of bothered me. I didn't think that it was something that we needed to shout from the rooftops. Why would we, as parents, put our child on display and tell others that Down syndrome does not define them?
But alas, some of us need the reminder and it's obvious that I needed it. I think that sometimes we shout all of these things to others, start up Facebook pages, write blogs, but it's us who feels the insecurities. We fear the diagnosis and what it entails. We feel that if we yell at the world enough times, it will make us feel better and more secure and comfortable with Down syndrome. When we join the Facebook groups, we brag, ask questions and reassure others that our world is how it should be, a beautiful and wonderful journey. We put on a happy face for others and tell them that we are ok and that everything is how it should be; yet, behind closed doors, we cry, we confide in our partner that we are scared. As a specials needs' parent, I am not looking to be put on a pedestal or given a hug each time you see me, but I want you to know that it's sometimes really hard. It's sometimes overwhelming and sometimes you fear the worst. I don't always need to be the strong parent, the one who shouts from the rooftops that I have it all together, that I am confident with all of my decisions and that I feel ok when I think about Adele's future. I am not always sure, I am not always ok with the diagnosis, I am not always the best advocate for our children, but I am trying and I feel blessed to be surrounded by an amazing group of moms who are going through a similar journey.


As I move forward, as Adele gets bigger and stronger and smarter, I am learning to face the day with love and patience. I am learning to accept things as they are and to allow my children to be who they need to be. I am confident that Adele will be ok, but I also have moments where the worry takes over and I feel almost breathless and unable to cope with the thoughts about the future. It's such a whirlwind of emotions, with amazing and beautiful moments combined with fear and worry.

I came across a post today that I want to share with you from The New Family ......
"I quickly learned that having a child with extraordinary needs means needing an extraordinary family.....I have always thought of my family as the people you can count on to pull you through in tough times, celebrate the good, root for you when you're going for gold and inspire you to be your best self. Two and a half years ago, I thought all of that had to come from under our own roof, but I've learned since that, at least for us, the opposite is true. There are countless people in our family now and for that, I'm so very grateful. Although, it's Alma that's drawn everyone in, we're all better for it." Melanie Coté


This journey is about working together and supporting one another. We will celebrate together and offer words of encouragement and support along the way, but we will also cry on each other's shoulders and share our fears and worries. I don't want these moments to fly by. I don't want my days to be focused on when we will hit our next milestone. I want to love the time that I have with my two girls and feel reassured that this was the journey that was given to me, embrace it. We will climb this mountain and when we reach the top, I'm going to sit down with the biggest rum and coke and celebrate. We've got this.....most of the time. :)
It will all be ok.
 







1 June 2015

THE PAP SMEAR!


Today was the day; pap smear day! I have been putting it off for quite some time, not really intentionally, just kind of didn't make it a priority. I called my doctor a month ago and took the plunge. I booked!
I'm not worried about the duck bill part, I am more concerned about the grooming that should take place before the appointment. I mean, come on, I'm a mom, I'm busy, I let myself go.
My anxiety kicked in as soon as I hung up the phone, I knew that I would have to take care of my neglected areas and make myself look presentable. Then I had another thought, most of his patients are senior citizens, so I'm sure that my undercarriage would be welcomed. On a scale of 1-10, I would be at least a 5ish. I tossed the idea around whether or not I needed to weed and de-clutter. I had a whole month to get my thoughts in order.

When I was younger, it wasn't an issue. I always took care of myself. I was single and needed to be ready at a moments' notice. ;) Times have changed; I am married with two kids. The few times a year that I shave my legs, I have to dispose of the razor after each use because it's dull after the shaving is complete. I always felt pretty confident in previous years, go in, strip from the waist down and voila, all done. This was a whole new ballgame.

Last Monday, I started talking about the appointment with James. He giggled and I laughed, but inside, I was thinking of the chore that was to take place in the near future. I continued to put it off. I'm busy.

Well, last night was the deadline. We had been out all day, so I was already hot and sweaty and tired. I needed a shower. I looked at James and told him that it was time, it was time to turn my honey pot into a work of art. I asked my husband for advice. I asked him what route I should take. He suggested that I call the neighbours and ask to borrow their weed whacker. I laughed, yet deep down inside, I actually considered it.

I brought out his electric razor and decided on a shape. The shape would be.....no shape. I wasn't going to try a heart or diamond, I would need a stencil and I'm afraid that we don't have those shapes in the art box. The goal was to make it look presentable.
Then I remembered that four years ago, I bought a Groupon for laser hair removal. I never used it, obviously. I wondered if I could call and beg for a 10:00pm appointment?? That sure would take care of the problem. 


Right before I closed the bathroom door, I asked James if I needed to have the razor plugged into the wall? He was skeptical, unsure whether or not there was enough battery life. He didn't have a lot of confidence in his wife.

I closed the bathroom door, turned on the razor and slowly, almost like a slow motion movie sequence, I went in for the kill. I realized that there was an added obstacle; since having children, I now have that dog jowl type tummy that hangs. This was going to take some work.
There were beads of sweat on my forehead and upper lip. I felt a bit faint and was considering giving up. This was way too much work for a 20 second appointment.
I am not one to give in when times get tough, I fight the fight, so I carried on.
Then it came to me, I should have left it the way it was. YES! I could have found some sparkle spray and added some pretty to it. That would have been a pleasant surprise for the doctor and for James.
I always come up with stellar ideas either during or after the fact.

I continued the labour intensive process. As I looked down, I was wondering if we had any Draino. I never thought about clogging up the drain. I will deal with it later, if we need to go down that road.

I showered and finished up the masterpiece. Luckily, we didn't need to call the plumber.

I wrapped myself up in a towel and exited the bathroom. James asked how it went and I told him that I didn't care. I was hot and wishing I had that sparkle spray.


Appointment day has arrived. I needed to bring both children with me. I wasn't too sure if Brinley would want to take part or just sit back and play a game on my phone. I was hoping that she would go with the latter.

I get to the clinic. I check in. No, I don't check in. I'm not booked in for an appointment. I just drove 50 minutes, shaved my hoo ha and brought two kids with me to get my coochie checked. I better be in your system. The whole clinic is filled with mostly men. The receptionist asks me what I am there for?
A) Do I whisper or sign that I am there for a pap smear?
B) Just say it loud and proud?
C) Cry?

I do what I do best.....I said it loud and proud. Just as the words PAP and SMEAR came out of my mouth, the whole clinic went silent. It was one of my better moments. I would get in but needed to wait a while.

I looked around the room and noticed a man who looked exactly like Billy Bob Thornton. I actually had to do a double take. He was standing right beside me when I announced why I was at the clinic. He never made eye contact with me again.

My name was called. I walked into the room, where I was expecting maybe a dim light, which would make the vajayjay look a tad bit better. No, it was the brightest room that I have ever seen. I could have worn sunglasses and still would be squinting.
I take off my leggings and my panties. I of course do what every other woman does, I wrap my undies up nicely in my tights so that they are totally out of sight.
I lay down on the bed. Adele starts yelling at me and Brinley wants to know why I am covered in a sheet. Please Dr. M, let's hurry up. I really want to get this over and done with, get home and drink booze.

Dr. M enters the room and I can feel my heart start to race. I know that he won't judge my shave job, but I'm sure he will notice. I decide to talk about the children and apologize for bringing them with me. He, of course, is just fine with it.


The pap is about to start and Brinley decides that she would like to be with the doctor. We encourage her to sit on the chair and play on mom's phone. We lose.

My knees are stuck together but my bum is where it should be, near the end of the table. I get the process. I look down and see the stirrups. I know that my feet belong in them, I mean, I've done this before.

Damn, I should have gone with the sparkle spray. Maybe he'll dim the lights.
On goes the spotlight. My vagina is the centre of attention.

I place my feet in the stirrups but my knees are like magnets. They are attracted to each other and no matter what I do, they find one another. The doctor tells me to open my legs and relax them. RELAX THEM!?!?! In about 10 seconds, you are going to put a duck bill in me and scrape my walls. RELAX!?!?!

I follow his instructions. He looks. He is expressionless, which means, I am ok. He's not scared but he's also not overly pleased. I guess you don't really want your doctor to be pleased......


As I am being invaded, Brinley makes her way up to my face and rubs my cheek. She snuggles her face into mine and looks at me with loving eyes. It was pretty comical. I mean, I wasn't crying or upset and wasn't acting as if my life was coming to an end. I guess she sensed that mom was nervous.

The pap ended, Brinley looked at me and yelled "YAY MOM!" This happened a few times. Dr. M informed me that in all his years of doing pap smears, he has never had somebody cheer the patient on.

I jump off the table, find my nicely rolled up panties hidden in my tights and get dressed.

I am a champion. I felt like I had just conquered the world. I took charge of my life and my lady parts. It's a good day. Ladies, go book your paps now, take care of your body and buy a bottle of sparkle spray. :)

22 May 2015

"I Acted Inexcusably."


I thought long and hard before deciding to write about such a controversial topic. As a mother and a teacher and somebody who doesn't hold back or filter very often, I decided to share my thoughts and opinions.

Yesterday, Josh Duggar confessed to sexually molesting five young girls, with speculations that some may have been his sisters.

From Josh:
Twelve years ago, as a young teenager I acted inexcusably for which I am extremely sorry and deeply regret. I hurt others, including my family and close friends. I confessed this to my parents who took several steps to help me address the situation. We spoke with the authorities where I confessed my wrongdoing and my parents arranged for me and those affected by my actions to receive counseling. I understood that if I continued down this wrong road that I would end up ruining my life. I sought forgiveness from those I had wronged and asked Christ to forgive me and come into my life. I would do anything to go back to those teen years and take different actions. In my life today, I am so very thankful for God’s grace, mercy and redemption.

When I first heard about it today while watching Good Morning America, I think my jaw dropped to the floor. My initial reaction was that of anger towards Josh and sadness for his victims. After I digested the information, I blamed his family for their choices. I condemned them for not allowing their children to show love towards others through kissing and touching. Because of their strict family rules and their views on how society should be, this made Josh feel like a caged animal, wanting to explore and react to normal hormonal changes that a teenage boy goes through. I blamed them for not being open to discussion with their children about sexual experiences and that as followers of Christ, you do not give in to sinful and devil like behaviour. I am not against a family setting rules and boundaries when it comes to intimate relationships, but I am against avoiding discussion and not deciding on a plan that will work for the whole family. I am against sweeping matters of a sexual nature under the rug. These were my initial reactions. Emotion over logic.

After I read Josh's statement, I was even more upset because I thought that he used Christ as an out. He used Christ as a means to excuse his behaviour and inexcusable choices. This bothered me. As I continued to read his statement, I wondered how his family could speak to the authorities but that nothing was done. Why did the Duggar family not contact the authorities right away? Why did the incidents continue before something was actively done about it? If five girls had been molested, seeking counselling was enough of a consequence? Today, are they thriving women, in healthy relationships, with no thoughts of their tumultuous past? Josh's actions were clearly illegal and those which will heavily impact the lives of the victims and their families for a lifetime. The family also stated in the police report that they all felt safe in their home with Josh. I can hear the Duggar parents educating their children on what they would say during their interrogation with the detectives. I could actually hear them saying that God forgives. For me, this is not about Christ, this is not about your beliefs, whether you are religious or not, this is about a human being who has sexually abused five girls. It is against the law. It deserves consequences. These actions are not remedied by attending counselling and receiving a verbal lickin' from your family and the authorities.

How do we truly know that he has made right with his victims and that by admitting it publicly, we should all forgive him and move on? How does this make those affected by abuse feel about their own personal situations? The perpetrator can apologize, receive counselling and all is made right. The Duggars have an enormous following, most are followers of Christ, who say that we are all sinners, he shared his mistake with all of us, he is forgiven and we need to move on. Yes, I agree that we are all sinners and that God forgives, but there are rules that society is expected to follow. We have laws for a reason.

There are many others who do not feel that the situation was dealt with accordingly or lawfully.
Some of the comments which have received numerous 'likes' and feedback.....

"Love hearing most of you defending a child molester...you would be singing a different tune if it's your child."

"What about the girls? This is a HUGE part of this response that is missing, what about the girls? I fear for his daughters. Good luck wearing those blinders.

"So anything can be forgiven except homosexuality? I'd leave a daughter with a same sex couple in a heartbeat, but never with a pedophile who's warped parents will protect him and place their own children and grandchildren at risk. It's sick."

The last comment, I read it several times. The Duggar family has been very vocal about what makes up a healthy family unit. It consists of a mother, father and children. Josh has resigned from his position at the Family Research Council, where he has preached about family and love and that we need to follow God's word.
I think about the world and all the unhealthy and volatile households, which consist of a mother and a father. What makes up a family unit? It's a home filled with love, respect, values and morals.  

The Duggar house would have been filled with fear, uncertainty and upset. I know that they do not need to admit to the public how they felt at the time, but the fact that their story has travelled all across the globe, I feel sorry for all of those who have been victimized, abused and who continue to go through this today. I feel that we are telling them that they need to move on, they should not feel that abuse is taken seriously and that going to the authorities is futile and a waste of time. An apology and counselling with make all the wrongs go away.

Josh Duggar did not make a mistake. A mistake is defined as 'an act or judgment that is misguided or wrong." It is one act, one judgement, not multiple. After your first misguided decision, it becomes a choice, one that you have complete control over. Five misguided acts is serious, it is not something that should be taken lightly nor should it be swept under the rug. With the enormity of their family and the amount of young children, why have the authorities not stepped in with rules, with consequences, with an order that protects the children? Do I believe that Josh feels remorse? Absolutely. Do I believe that he is cured of impure thoughts? No, I do not. This is why there needs to be resolution, one that involves the law, not a public apology to the viewers. This does not 'fix' the inexcusable choices that were made in the past. Putting Josh behind bars and throwing away the key is not the solution, but probation, community service, boundaries need to be put in place.

There are so many gaps in this story. My post is based solely on what I have read and seen on TV today. I did not write this post to cause controversy or to shame followers of Christ. I believe in God but I feel that in a situation such as this, it is not about God forgiving sins, it is about the world knowing that there are consequences to those who do not follow the law and compassion for those who are victimized by others. I hope that there are more details in the future and that the victims find the peace and closure that they deserve.





11 May 2015

The Dad Bod! Ya, You Want It!


 
 
I very rarely post pictures of myself on social media sites. The other day, I posted this one of myself showing my friends on Instagram what spring soccer looks like in Alberta. It's been a very cold start to the season. Before sharing the picture with others, I mentally came up with a list of my flaws. This is what I found wrong....
 
1) My eyebrows don't start where they should. If I lined up a pencil with the corner of my eye with where my eyebrow should start, it doesn't match up.
 
2) My left eye is droopy.
 
3) My nose is too big.
 
4) I have a double chin.
 
5) My cheekbones are not defined.
 
6) My eyelashes aren't long enough.
 
7) My face is too round.
 
8) Some minor plastic surgery would go a long way.
 
As I dissected my picture, I was thinking about what my girls would think if they heard me saying all of these negative things about myself. How would they perceive themselves? What would stop them from looking in the mirror and pointing out all of their flaws? How would they feel about their mom if they heard the words "fat, too big, not good enough, should lose weight, plastic surgery, flaws?"
We live in a world filled with high cheekbones, size 0 figures, fake boobs, fake eyelashes, photo-shopped images; perfection. We live in a world where perfect is what is acceptable. We are teaching our young children that what we see on newsstands and on TV is how they should be; without flaws.
 
 
Recently, I came across a news segment that was talking about the 'dad bod.'
 
Dad-Body (Urban Dictionary)

1. A body resembling a man who lives a sedentary lifestyle, flabby, usually comes with a keg gut. Sometimes can see penis, most of the time cannot. Body resembles his personality; dull, lifeless, and very conservative.

2. Once in shape, but clearly has lost most athletic properties. Best suited for sitting at a desk chair, possibly doing ones taxes.
 
Ok, so, women want a man with a dad bod. We want a man who looks like a dad, not fit, but not heavily overweight. We want a man who has some flab, no six pack and who wears shirts and ripped jeans. We want a man who is not perfect. A man who will go to work Monday-Friday, come home and drink a few beers while chowing down on a large pizza. Women find this sexy. This is the new in. This is what women want, the man who isn't perfect.
 
 
Where does this leave us women? I have a mom bod. I REALLY have a mom bod. Why am I upset that this body housed two children and now I have stretch marks and a dangling tummy? Why am I not happy with my imperfections? Why are men not telling me that they think my non-existent six pack is sexy and beautiful? Why is society not telling me that the mom bod is the way to go and that men love a woman with a little extra? Why is society not telling me that the biggest turn on is a woman who works Monday-Friday, comes home, cracks open a beer and indulges in a 14" pizza and cheesy bread? What if we can't see our vagina? Is that ok? Is that sexy? The dangling man tummy, which by the way, did not house a child, the world considers this perfection?
I have to be honest, I enjoy the dad bod. I have always loved a man with a bit of a tummy, I'm not really a six pack kind of girl, but there is a fine line between dad bod and an overweight man who doesn't believe in self-care. :)
Just a side note....James thinks that I am beautiful and wonderful and perfect. BUT....I need to hear it from men all around the globe. ;) I want men to shout to all of us women "I LOVE YOUR MOM BOD!"
 
 
When will society celebrate women's imperfections? When will society tell young girls that they are to be celebrated, that they are beautiful just they way they are, that we need to celebrate our perfect imperfections? Our views are twisted and unhealthy. Our views are encouraging young girls to step on the scale, to criticize and to judge ourselves and others. We are stuck in the world of social media, where we only post the best pictures at the best angles and feel the need to look like the celebrities. We need to stick our lips in a small bottle, suck in air, so we end up with nice plump lips. I mean, come on, who doesn't want to look like a Kardashian? Seriously.
 
As I think about my two girls and how I want them to view themselves, I need to change how I view myself. Reality is not a magazine. Reality is not on TV. Reality is not Instagram and Twitter and Facebook. Social media has allowed us to alter our own photos, so that we can look our best. So that we can look like a celebrity. What is this teaching our children?
 
I am changing my views. I am changing my way of thinking so that my children grow up to be confident, beautiful, strong and productive members of society. I am going to encourage them to love themselves, to love their bodies and to feel confident when they walk out of this house everyday. It will be echoed in their ears that they can conquer this world because they learnt the tools and strategies from James and I, they heard their mom say that she loves herself. They heard their mom say that beauty comes in all different forms, colours, shapes, religions and sizes.
 
Let's celebrate us. Let's celebrate the mom bod! Let's celebrate our beauty. Let's celebrate with a six pack (of beer) and a pizza. Come on world, get on board.
 
 


5 May 2015

Let's Get A Divorce...Or Not.

The Mighty Challenge....

Marriage and special needs parenting: it’s a topic not often discussed, but it’s important, and it deserves more discussion in our community. Can you share a moment on your special needs journey that strengthened your relationship?


I've thought about this topic quite often over the past couple of years. When we received Adele's diagnosis at 15 weeks, it didn't bring us closer together, but it definitely got us talking a lot more. The discussions weren't always light and fluffy, they were usually a bit tense and at times, frustrating. I read once that having a special needs' child, it brings couples closer together and that the divorce rate is substantially lower. Lower? This truly confused me.
Adele was born one month after our town was flooded; we were living with my parents, while our house was being rebuilt. I understand that we had extenuating circumstances that led to more stress, but after Adele's delivery, we were consumed by NICU visits, getting our home fixed and the stress of being grown adults, living with my parents.

Adele spent 6 weeks in the NICU; when we brought her home, we were anxious and still concerned about her breathing. We were focused on contacting FSCD, filling out government forms and trying to keep a newborn healthy. Once we got into a routine, we made sure to contact the necessary supports in the community and began occupational therapy and physical therapy out of the home. When Adele was born, Brinley was not even 17 months old, so we had two babies, one of them required more attention and time. Some days, we both felt overwhelmed and would take it out on each other. The stress of having a special needs' child, would sometimes consume our days and nights. There were times that I would lay awake, beside my husband, who had really turned into my buddy, my pal, my friend, and I would listen to Adele's breathing. I gained more weight; eating because I was stressed and worried and sad.


Marriage success rates are higher when you have a special needs' child?? I still didn't get it.

Adele spent some time in the hospital. They were only brief stays, but James and I were like two ships passing in the night. One would spend the night at home, then we would do a switch the following night.

I remember the first time that Adele spent some time in the hospital. We had recently returned back home from our 3 month stay at mom and dad's house. Adele's breathing was a bit laboured and her colour was off. My gut was telling me to take her in. My sister came with me. Our hospital was sending Adele by ambulance to the Alberta Children's Hospital. I had to take my car, so that I had some form of transportation, as the hospital is over an hour away from where we live. My sister and I stopped off at my house to pick up some stuff for the night's stay. I was short with James, I was mad at the world, I was frustrated and worried about my newborn baby. I was angry that she was sick. I was angry that I had to spend the night away from home. I was angry that the journey was taking another turn, one that wasn't expected. My sister told me that I wasn't being very nice and that it wasn't James' fault. I knew this but he's my husband, he's the one who I take my frustrations out on, he's the one who has no choice but to listen to my fears, my anger and my upset. He is my husband.


Our schedule is full. We have Brinley in extra-curricular activities. Adele receives therapy twice a week, two hours at a time plus she has other appointments at the hospital. I also try to have a life outside of my family and manage to fit in dinners with friends a few times a month. Where do you find the time to make a marriage work? 

So here we are, 21 months into this journey. We have come to a place of comfort with Adele, which in turn has lessened the stress in our everyday lives. We worry a bit less with Adele, not completely, but it's less. We laugh a lot more and appreciate and enjoy the days with our beautiful children. We hug and snuggle and cuddle and revel in the excitement and love that our children have for each other. We stop, relax and are thankful for two healthy girls. 

James and I have found a way to become a husband and wife again. We used to fall asleep holding each other's hands; we have started doing this again. We not only tell each other that we love and respect one another, we show it. We have slowed down. We work together as a team. We both take care of our home and we show the girls daily, the importance of family, a happy, healthy family.


We are on 4 journeys in this house; one with each other, one with Brinley, one with Adele and one as a family.

The journey with Adele.....
She has brought peace, joy, love and happiness to our family. She has brought light and laughter to those around her. She has taught our family about respecting others, about slowing down, about appreciating the journey that others are travelling.
She has strengthened the bond between James and I, although in the beginning, I feared that this unknown journey was placing a wedge between us. She has taught James and I that our girls need us to be strong, to love with all of our hearts, to give them the home that they deserve. I watch James with his girls and it brings me to tears. Our love for our girls is equal but when I see James interact with Adele, there is always a special moment, it may only last a few seconds, but in that moment, they look into each other's eyes and you know that there is bond that will never be broken, it's a bond that no matter what, he will always be there for her and take care of her and love her unconditionally. These beautiful moments strengthen our marriage. When Adele can't sleep and James snuggles with her late at night, this strengthens our marriage. When Adele laughs hysterically and her dad joins in, this strengthens our marriage. The moments are many and are savoured and cherished.

The journey is rewarding. The journey takes work. The journey is filled with ups and downs but it is our journey and we will walk this journey together.


18 April 2015

Michael Bublé....#beautifulbumblog

 
 
Well, I decided to go there. This has been all over my newsfeed for the past few days. When I first saw the picture, I giggled and liked the post. I always love Michael's hashtags and get a good chuckle out of his sense of humour. #‎myhumps‬ ‪#‎babygotback‬ ‪#‎hungryshorts‬ ‪#‎onlyinmiami‬ ‪#‎picoftheday‬ ‪#‎beautifulbum‬

The world went crazy!

Yesterday, Michael shared a personal statement regarding the previous post:
"Anybody who knows me would never misinterpret the message of the photo my wife took in Miami that seems to have caused unexpected rage by some people. I do not court controversy. But I realize that a photo that was meant to be complimentary and lighthearted has turned into a questionable issue. For the record, it hurts me deeply that anyone would think that I would disrespect women or be insulting to any human being.. I was not brought up that way and it is not in my character. I regret that there are people out there who found the photo offensive. That was not and is not my intention. Women are to be celebrated, loved, respected, honored and revered. I’ve spent my life believing that and will continue to do so."


I read some of the comments and felt that so many people took it a bit too seriously and their words were hurtful, unkind and offensive. They personally attacked Michael and expressed their disgust and shame towards the singer. "Not cool. This is mean and degrading; even if you meant it as a compliment, I really wouldn't want to be put in her place right now. I'd also like to point out that those who have commented with victim-blaming statements (if she didn't want people to notice, she shouldn't have dressed like that!) are men. Stuff like this really shouldn't be posted, especially by someone with a fan base."

"Funny, a friend of mine last night was trying to convince me that Buble is "not a good guy to women" (her words) and I defended him say he seemed pretty decent in the media. This picture totally changed my opinion.
Mind your own damn business Michael, I wonder if you'd be smiling if someone else took this picture mocking your wife or kid?"


I read through several of the comments and began to understand where others were coming from. I have a great sense of humour. I'm fairly relaxed and truly, I am a huge Michael Bublé fan, having spent obscene amounts of money just to see him in concert. I am open-minded and 'try' to respect others' points of view.
After reading through comments, my views changed slightly. I felt disgusted by those who attacked the girl, saying that her butt is ugly, she needs to workout, she should be ashamed of herself, she is asking to be raped, she is gross and repulsive, she is asking for pictures to be taken and for negative comments to be made, because her ass is hanging out.

Would I ever wear shorts like that in or out of the house? No. If I decided to buy myself a pair from the local Wal-Mart, do I deserve to be ridiculed? No. Do I deserve to have my picture taken and posted for millions to see? No.
I understand that her back is turned and that truly, he wasn't shaming her or making fun of her outfit. He actually complimented her and pointed out that she has a #beautifulbum.
Does this make it ok? I'm not really too sure. I guess maybe, if she was asked and gave him permission to share with his 7 million fans, it would have made it ok, totally acceptable. Sharing a picture with that many followers, that's kind of a big deal.

Yesterday, I went to the CTV studios to record a segment for Alberta Primetime regarding Adele's picture being stolen by an ignorant and disgusting Facebook page.


The interview gave me the opportunity to discuss the emotions and heartache that this brought to our family, friends and community. It gave me the opportunity to share with others that shaming, mocking and making fun of others, is not acceptable. Having Adele's picture unlawfully taken was hurtful and it showed so many of us, that there are heartless, ignorant and cruel people in the world.
We live in a world where we all want to take the perfect picture to share on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. We want others to respond and strike up a conversation. We want people to laugh and find humour in our posts. We no longer take pictures for our family, we take them to get a response from our hundreds of 'friends' on social media.

After the incident with Adele, I am more cautious of what I post. I am more aware of what I post and make sure that when I share pictures, I place the watermark high up, so that it is touching her face. It took one incident to make me realize that people think that it is fair game when others post on social media sites, they can take, comment and spew out vulgar and revolting comments because they are sitting behind a computer screen and there are no consequences behind their actions.

So, this is the thing.....the girl in Michael's picture, she did not given consent, although many people feel that she didn't need to give permission to have her picture taken. Although Michael did not  intentionally shame her or ridicule her, many took it upon themselves to do so.
Many compared her picture to the Wal-Mart photos that we all find hilarious and trashy and pointed out that they did not give the 'photographers' permission to exploit them, so it's fair game.

I see fault on both sides here, the fans and Michael. I see an overly sensitive world, but I also see a world who is defending a young girl whose picture was taken and shared with millions without consent. I see people getting cruel and vulgar and shaming either Michael or the young girl. I would have thought that Michael would have removed his post, not because he needs to admit that he was wrong, but instead, to show the world that the attacks on #beautifulbum is not acceptable or that he is condoning their comments and harsh words.
Michael is a public figure and millions look up to him, follow his journey and is a role model to so many young children. It's imperative to think before posting. It's imperative to put yourself in the other person's shoes and think about how this will affect them. It's a fine line between being a funny, good guy just looking for a laugh and an asshole. (I'm not calling him one....it's ok)


I am a bit overly sensitive when it comes to matters like this. I have been on a journey with Adele, where I want to protect my child as much as I can but not shelter her and isolate her from the world.  I will not let others destroy our beautiful family by shaming, using her picture, mocking her and her friends because they are ignorant and uneducated.

In conclusion...yes, I am a teacher and I need to sum this up....
1) Michael should have asked her, that's the right thing to do.
2) Don't bring his singing talents into the arguments. You make yourself look bad.
3) The post should be removed, not to admit defeat, but out of respect for the girl.
4) Does she have every right to wear those shorts without criticism? Yes.
5) If you don't like her shorts, don't buy them.
6) Don't unlike Michael's page because you disagree with him posting the picture, although, you will miss him and return.
7) Don't say that she deserves to be shamed, raped and that she was asking for ridicule.
8) Don't point out how you would have liked it if your butt was hashtagged. You sound silly.
9) Do I think any less of Michael because of this incident? No, because I am an adult.
10) Let's move on.